Rule #3: You Will Have Days You Will Cry As Much As Baby

Yes, it is true. Some days you will just be so lonely, so frustrated, so tired or all of the above that you just find yourself in tears. Repeatedly even.

Thankfully that isn`t the norm, and if it is, maybe you need to ask for some help.

Sofia has not been having a great week of sleep. She has been waking up often and as I call it, `snacking` so therefore I have been waking up often. (Sometimes every 20 minutes) This has led to a very tired me since I was already tired.

I`m pretty sure this is a big reason why I have been crying as much as her today.

Just when I wasn`t sure how much longer I could deal today (but not like I have a choice) she started to laugh and smile and coo at me. And yes, that makes it all so very worthwhile.

However, now she is back to her usual evening type fussy crying so it`s time to face the music.

Rule #2: You Will Sing Songs About Poop

Yes, yes you will. There is no denying it. You will find yourself either singing songs about poop or talking in that high pitched voice about said poop. There is no avoiding this.

Think about it. Your days have been reduced to spending them in their entirety with someone who basically sleeps, eats and poops. For the first few months at least anyway.

I went from being a club girl who was always out, to clubs, shows, events, dinners, etc. to basically spending 24/7 at home with a baby. Which, as you can probably imagine, does not have the biggest vocabulary yet though judging by how much she babbles away, she will have a large one soon!

So back to the point - you will find yourself singing or talking about poop (and other bodily functions) to not ONLY the baby but to your baby. Yes, the man who is part of this whole adventure with you.

Remember when you used to whisper sweet nothings to each other? Yeah, me neither. Now it is basically a tired recounting of the day, the bodily functions and diaper disasters contained therein.

So there you have it. Clear your throat, take a sip of water and get ready to hit those high C`s.

Rule #1: You Will Be Puked On

This has been my life ad nauseum (no pun intended) for the past two weeks in a major way. Sofia is about 2 1/2 months old now and has always spit up a little bit, as most babies do, but for some reason, the past two weeks seem to have been especially vomitous. (if that is even a word)

I think it all began when Daddy was holding her and she started to spit up so he held her up more and then she threw up ALL over him. From his mouth to his crotch. And I laughed uncontrollably with tears running down my face. Blame it on fatigue I did, yet it was probably more the fact that IT WAS NOT ME.

And there you have it; I must have tempted fate or apparently pissed off some sort of g-d because since then I have been paying for it in spades.

Now her latest party trick is such: smiles and laughs, coos away and looks all adorable until I get close to her and then a fountain, yes a fountain, I am not exagerrating,  of puke will encompass me, her and whatever is around us. Then she immediately will laugh and smile again.

We both suspect that she does do it on purpose sometimes. I have seen her holding milk in her mouth just ready to spew and say sternly, "Oh no you don't" and miraculously it disappears. Am I imagining it or is my tiny little daughter already able to manipulate the situation?

So one thing other than death and taxes is certain: if you are a mother, you WILL be puked on. And probably a lot. So get ready to do laundry, lots of it, and to try and shower at least once a day. And PS those baby wipes come in quite handy in wiping down your own self as well.

The Official Start of the Unofficial Rules

Or perhaps I can say the official logging of the unofficial rules.

Because there are certain things that are perhaps not rules, but certainties when it comes to motherhood. I would say parenthood but since I haven't figured out yet how to be inside Daddy's head, I will refrain from speaking on his behalf.

I have been thinking about being a mother a lot lately - possibly because that is what my day consists of. Pretty much in its entirety. Now this is a choice I made, perhaps not entirely willingly, but that is another topic.

I love my daughter more than I thought possible and that thing everyone says about it changing your life and being the most amazing thing? Yes, it IS true but it is also so much more.

I need a place to formulate what is going on in my every day life and to make me feel connected to the world again, little by little, so here I am.

I hope you enjoy.